engkau, aku, kita, semuanya, hanyalah hamba..

bismillahirrohmanirrohim

assalamualaikum! dan hai :)

hr ini sy ingin guna bhs pasar yg jual rojak shj. 

sblm tu, ada 1 amaran. sbnrnya wht i'm about to tell yah is smthing yg happened weekSS before, yg sbnrnya sy nak tulis weekSS before, yg perasaannya dh agak basi weekSS before. so kalau at e end tak fhm cerita ni, sila sebut astaghfirullah byk2 supaya dpt tambah pahala sabar drpd memaki hamun sy, (see, anda sdg dlm proses menambah pahala ni :D) dan sila lah gerakkan tgn anda dgn pantas ke butang pangkah yg terdapat di bar sebelah kanan di atas. harap maklum. 

*p/s- tapi sy pasti, pengajarannya takkan pernah basi ;)

so basically, i went to the Being Me Muslimah Empowered which i believe many of us are well-aware of it. that program was being held from morning until nearly midnight. around 4pm mcm tu, my head started to masuk angin tau. bcs a day before, gulai rebung dekat kampung tlh mengorat sy dgn bau dan kelazatan beliau, semacam tahu yg dah berzaman sy tak makan rebung. lalu sy kalah dgn godaan beliau dan telah menjamah beliau dgn sebanyak2nya. subhanaAllah, tak sangka pula ptg itu kepala sy masuk angin sgt sgt sgt. 

pernah dgr golongan manusia yg selalu 'burp' sebab byk angin tu tak? selalunya, golongan2 ini umurnya sudah senja. kalau mrk jumpa sy waktu itu, mrk akn ckp, welcome to the club. 

dan ptg itu, sy terpaksa keluar drpd talk tu for a rest. so i stayed in e prayer hall, and started to give my head some massages.

few minutes after, still the angin liat doesn't really came out. masa tu down sikit lah, (mcm bykje sbnrnya -_-)

sebab few minutes before, something personal happened, yg buat diri down,

and now tak dapat dgr talk tu, lagi macam down,

umpama, tak sempat bernafas, direndam air lagi. 

so i rang a tone to my friend who was listening to e talk, to send my food at e door. i thought that would help sbb tadi lunch tak sempat hbskan food. and so she said ok.

and when i arrived in front of e door, she wasn't there. that time, dgn mood tu, yg mmg sgt down tu, rasa malas sgt nak masuk sbb PIC yg bertugas dkt door tu akn check ticket NI dkt wrist evryone yg nak masuk.

and i waited, but my friend tak muncul2 lagi. so i pon, masuk jelah.

SO HERE IS THE MAIN STORY

while i was pushing e door, suddenly i heard a voice from my back.

'sis..'

dan dgn serta merta sy yang bijaksana membalas

'ya yaaa i have the ticket...' WITH A VERY LOUSY VOICE AND WITHOUT TURNING AROUND EVEN A SLIGHTEST TO THAT PERSON. (i thought she was the person yg in charge jaga2 tiket ni)

and bam! ambik kau rasa mcm batu jatuh kat kepala. rude gila oi. so i immediately turned my head around mcm nak counter back lah..

dan dgn serta mertanya sister tersebut memandang sy sinis sambil berkata.

'ya i know. i just wanna go in.'  

and 

'oh (with a very guilty tone) im so sorry. i was....'

belum sempat sy habiskan kata2 sy, sister tersebut terus walk into e hall. (as wht she was trying to do) 

and.. honestly, sy langsung tak marah kat sister tu. instead, i was reallly mad at myself. really. really. 

really.

mad.

to the point yg sy terus meluru ke tempat duduk sy dan buka saluran empangan air. 

people say i was being oversensitive ke apa, i appreciate them and take that as an advice. 

saya tak menangis sebab sy kena marah, atau precisely, disindir? 

but i burst out bcs i just FAILED to show a good akhlaq of a muslimah. 

dah la in the middle of a place that was empowering you to become a good exemplary muslimah kot.

and mungkin ditambah dgn mood sy juga masa tu kan. 

rasa macam, fail.fail.fail.fail.

AND,
WHAT I REALLY WANNA SHARE IS,
WHAT I REALLY LEARNT FROM THE INCIDENT. 

knp Allah dtgkan perangai manusia tersebut dlm waktu tersebut?

lalu sy membayangkan yg, sy adalah sister tersebut yg nak masuk tu. dan org lain buat perangai mcm tu pd saya. say dia reply dgn baik, for example, 'oh okay then, i just wanna go in, and um, ARE U OKAY SIS?'

might as well sy terus buka paip saluran empangan air tu kat dia, lps tu tiba2 baik dgn dia ke apa kan, terus dia jd wasilah Tuhan sebagai penawar lara sy. 

dan sy fikir, kalau aku sbnrnya yg ada dlm position sister tadi tu, kalau perkara ni tak berlaku, there is a VERY big possibility yg aku akan respond as same as her. bcs u know, everyone has their own ego kan. 

kalau aku tak lalui benda ni, boleh kata confirm je aku respond camtu juga.

subhanaAllah, kdg2, Allah mengajar kita, dalam cara yg kita tak sangka2. 

kan? ^^,

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sy nak berkongsi bhw, waktu itu, sy rasakan yg Allah sedang mengajar sy erti sbnr dlm menyedari hakikat diri, yg hanya, HAMBA kpd tuhan. sebab, jika sy jadi sister tersebut, dan melenting masa tu, the biggest factor is the ego. mungkin sy ada rasa mcm, perlu ke kau ckp cmtu? kau fikir kau sape? or, he'eleh rude gila minah ni, mmg tak lah wa nk ckp baik2 sama lu. kan?

padahal saya tak tahu apa sbnrnya yg dia tgh lalui masa tu. 

dan jika saya ikut je ego sy, CONFIRM sy pon melenting juga. 

tapi jika saya ingat, yg sy ini hanyalah hamba kpd Tuhan, sy akn rasa yg sy takde hak utk sesedap rasa melenting mcm tu. siapa sy utk fikir, yg sy ada maruah, maruah sy lagi tinggi drpd bercakap baik2 dgn org yg rude macam awk ni. sedangkan sy, hakikatnya, hanyalah HAMBA.  

hanyalah hamba..

*pengalaman ini mungkin nampak kecil di mata anda, tapi bagi saya, besar maknanya. katakan pada saya, berapa ramai orang yg KUAT benar mengawal amarah dan ego yg kelihatan kecil ini? ^^,

oh, tentang ego..
kalahkan lah dia dgn mengenangkan kedudukan engkau yg sebenarnya,
kedudukan engkau yg sebenarnya,
yg hanyalah hamba.. 

TAK SENANG OK NAK SENTIASA MENYEDARI HAKIKAT TERSEBUT. bare that in mind (!!)

TAMAT. 

sila istighfar dari 3, 2, 1, sekarang!