kadang2 rasa mcm blog ni satu tggjwb pon ada. as if you're alive tau

ngeheh

this week is awesome! eh, not awesome. but i like lah! Alhmdulillah sgt2. bcs why? bcs i filled up my times with me doing beneficial stuffs and not just melangok jd pemalas tgok tv berangan goyang kaki.. ? bukan, goyang kaki dan berangan and stuffs yg org2 malas suka buat (which also means yg i slalu buat hehe). i feel soo thankful to Allah as i know tht He has been helping me and help and help and help me a lot lot lot lot lot and so lot along my days in this week, Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah (can you see how thankful i am now?)

talking about work..

the first form tht i posted was for mr H who stays in P, his loan can go until 45k.
the second form i posted was for Puan R whose applying loan for 60k.
being full of spirit, i was happily distributing flyers aroung (aroung? masuk tengganu pulok doh) my house area and you can guess what was the respond with ths kind of smiley :D! siap ada tanda seru lagi uh

one of my neighbour called. Farah Nabilah yg cun, Kak N yg comel nak buat fresh loan, boleh pg smpai berapa eh? jeng jeng jengg

128, 900 wo! 

two days passed by, and the loan was submitted! it was the third form i posted to a client but it came as the first submission to be sent. Alhamdulillah, sgt2 bersyukur. the first form posted got problem sikit and the second one, insyaAllah isnin dpt. can you see now how Allah planned? tah i rasa mcm cantik sgt.

ya Allah, aku bersyukur atas segala kenikmatan dan rezeki yg Kau kurniakan padaku, oleh itu, lindungilah aku drpd sifat alpa dan leka dgn semua kesenangan ini supaya aku tidak menjadi seorg yg riak dan sombong, ikhlaskan lah hatiku dlm setiap perkara yg aku lakukan, semoga ianya membawa kebaikan kepada ku dan semua. amiin

and oh, i was at Michael Buble concert last sunday. hehehe, all sponsored by Audi. eh? if im not mistaken lah. Qistina's father got sponsored and there was one ticket left which was supposed to be her aunt's ticket but she cancelled last minute so then i got a call from Qis while i was still dreaming, she was inviting me like

Farah! jom Farah, mlm ni kita pg concert Michael Buble, awk tahu takkk ticket dia 850 tp ni ktorg dpt free! ha jom jom! Michael Buble ni Farahh.

and i was like,

okayy. tp siapa Michael Buble?

 T_T

sorry Encik Aziz, or, any MB's big fan, or small, or medium? salah orang nak ajak kan, i know, but wht to do, i dah pergi dah pon hehe. and now i dah tahu siapa Michael Buble. so, no offense! at least i can say that he is adorable! happy tak i puji penyanyi kesayangan you? hehehehihihihokk

meh i buat you lagi happy meh

hehe padahal

being excited and jakon for out first time goin to a concert

lupa pula ini concert Michael Buble kan

very descent, not that huhahahokhekk monkey2 one

e

Qistina was so very the excited

MB went down from the stage, evryone was tryin to hold his hand

unlucky us, we were sitting on the upper level so dpt jerit je

 come heree! we love you!
nak tengok muka dari jarak dekat je sbnrnya

ni nice kan. ada kertas2 jatuh

and this time, he was singing. WITHOUT MIC

oh. did i tell you that everytime MB sings

ada jiran tempat duduk kitorang, seorg pakcik dlm linkungan 50 tahun gitu, confirm jadi camni

 he memorised every single lyrics in every single songs tht MB sang, dgn feel and gaya sbiji gini. hulomok, part ni Qistina kalah la

so this is the hall

going back with org gila

and goodbye

thanks adorable!

 hehe happy tak? i suka buat org happy ni, tak suka buat org jealous je

:P

chalo bete

deep down inside

i was just about to be happy


until i went somewhere which i thought i'll be happier. guess i was wrong...

lesson for today: do not ride if your mind wasn't on the road

i do not know who to talk to. im sorry dear bloggie, you have always been the place where i express and let my sadness or anger out. i mean, recently. 
im sorry.


usually i'll get home and start to blurb evrythings out to my sister or any of my family members but today, idk, i just dont feel like it. there is like SO MANY things that i've think about today.

apa ni, balik terus ke situ

see, i've thought so. but i'll remain silent. its true wht they're saying
if you know me well you will be curious about my ke-pelik-an now, because i am thnkng the same too

i langgar a car today

its not lah totally crashed but its the fact that i LANGGAR A CAR OKAY. i seriously dont know wht i was thinking.

i was on my way to wangsa walk (wawa) with my officemates after work and i went there by motorcycle. its my dad's. i've been using it recently to work and places near by. i was on the center between the two lanes. you get wht i mean, the center between the right and left lane? where motorcycles riders menyelit2? and me also lah one of the riders yg suka menyelit tu kan. except if there is a bus or lorry, mmg tak lah, i'll just get back on the right lane, i mean not kanan lane but the correct lane. yes thts the word.

but today got no bus or lorry, ada sikit happy kat situ tp ada byk tak happy lepas tu. the traffic light is yellow. i see that. but my mind cannot see that. my mind was not even seeing the road or any cars in front or behind neither besides. and it was not controlling the hand that was pressing the minyak. my hand which does not has a mind sesukahati press lagi laju sampai lah GEDEBANGGGGG!

astghfirullahalazim

my mind is back on track

yea, perfect timing lah kan.

and only now it controlled the hand who then pressed the brake . the traffic light turned red. i reversed my motorcycle to see wht happened to that green Saga car. first thing i saw is a mad man face

 ehh, jgn lah marah cik jap2

i reversed a lil bit more feeling very cuak kebebeh, check check check, Alhamdulillah, it seems tht the car is doin just fine (jap ayat ni mcm kereta tu hidup pula kan. doin just fine) that man pon came out to see his car's condition and i can sensed tht he is relieved and dah tak mrh sgt to see nothing bad happened.

i was, doing the best pity face ever saying things to apologize and settle the problem nicely

sorry lah encik tadi otak saya, entah lah, melayang. bukan kat jalan, tak perasan bawa laju tak sempat nak ngelak betuul2, minta maaf sgt2. ni nak byr apa2 tak?

something like that. being nice of him, his responds was

ha takpelah klu cmni takde nak byr apa, tulah lain kali nak bawa laju2 kat highway, eh

i saw his wife and a lil kid like 2 tahun duduk atas riba mama dia, i think he understood, plus im a girl kan. Alhmdulillah. thank you mister.

being happy i am, i feel so ashamed deep down inside, peoples around were looking at us, but i just pi lantak depa lah. and now the light turned green. syukur again..

im putting my left foot on the pedal to change the gear. ehh? mana benda ni? i looked down. pedal sekarang dah pergi kebelakang


feeling so shocked, i was about to cry. how stupid. how come drive tp otak melayang tempat lain? nak ckp bangang, ckp tu satu doa, takkan nak doa jd bangang kot. so the eyes cannot hold the tears any longer. it finally falls down

i find a place to stop. i pressed the minyak a lil bit more to go a lil bit faster, vrroom vroom vreek?

oh no. dont tell me the engine goes wrong somewhere. oh my God, ya Allah......

i parked my motorcycle besides a busstop near by. the first person tht crossed my mind is Azam. idk,
at this time and this kind of problems i'll always find him, as he is good about motorcycles and being a very good friend of mine, i know he is willing to hear and help the best tht he can. and yes, he did.

now im going to have to take my motorcycle to bengkel, asked them to fix or wht they call, ketuk the place where i put my feet which i call pedal according to my kamus sesukahati. about the engine maybe bcs of the hentakan just now, im afraid to ask org bengkel to fix it incase if they are lying kan. so i called cik Wan, my bos. why do i called him and not cik Alif who is the other bos and who is also yg menjaga kebajikan pekerja semua, bcs cik Wan nmpk cam ada lah kot kwn yg kerja2 bengkel ni kan so tomorrow he is goin to see first lah. why not on tht time? its 6.10 pm dude, im watching movie at 6.30 pm. so yeah, lets just pray to Allah as He knows best. (yeah yeah konon dalam hati ni ya Allah ya Allahh....)

while heading to wangsa walk i remembered my dialogues with the officemates few minutes before

Ala Farha jom lah teman kita, naik lah dgn kitaa

OK jom

the rest - ehh tak payah, dah lah takde helmet apa, takde2 naik cab dgn ktorg

Alaaa. fine ah. kalau apa2 jadi kat kita nantiii haa  

Astaghfirullahalazim, masinnya mulut.

istighfar banyak2.

now im waiting for abang's Farha help to ask if his friends can help me on this. seriously, im not gonna tell my parents. i am not going to tell them. im gonna settle this my self. 


i do not want my parent to have bad impression to me, or think that i cannot jaga stuffs elok2 as i accidentally without any intention, broke and damaged stuffs many times before. so i dont want lah. i also dont know lah why i always like this. barang kat tangan ada je something wrong. why la whyy? dengan lens rosak nak repair kena byr smpai seghibu hengget. dengan sales tak smpai 50 ribu pon lagi. ya Allah, aku tahu dugaan ni kecil je kalau nak dibandingkan dgn org lain. aku tahu kau sdg mengajar aku ya Allah. oleh itu, bantulah aku supaya aku dapat belajar membetulkan kesalahanku atau apa2 yg patut aku pelajari dari semua yg berlaku ini..


this time, on my way back home, for the first time to ride motorcycle from wawa at night,

rasa mcm nampak.. sesuatu...

kekonfiusan

went to Carrefour last night with my sister

having my first step in carrefour... (i mean not tht this is my first time to carrefour but my first langkah, pehe? )


ok langkah permata, or, selangkah masuk ke carrefour?

tiba2 dikejutkan dgn satu jeritan yg dahhhsyaaatt

TEACHER FARAAAAHH !!

i saw ALIAH IHSANI okay one of my favourite and -beingmissed- student! in a moment of time i walk laju2 to her and muah muah muah muah kiss on the cheek there you have it, huggie huggie joined in too.

ya Allah, Alhamdulillah, i feel like the world is mine.. ok, hiperbola?

but truth be told, i was so happy to see her. falshback "occured"(?) and pictures of the kids crossed my mind. God, YOU KNOW HOW I MISS EM ALL


then i go salam2 with her mother and her aunt which is one of the teachers for raudhah (nursery besides my place) which is also the most beautiful woman i've ever seen. oh after my mother. and sisters. and Angelina Jolie. and the girl in Bruno Mars's video. and ... i guess i've to list it first

so today, hmm guess im quite sad? idk mcm kena penyakit moodswing yg sewel tu tau tak? tak suka tau.


i hope tht my loan overlapping bussiness goes well, and i hope tht i dont feel awkward or mcm tiba2 moody with anyone either my officemates, bos-es, families, and friends.

pernah tak mcm tiba2 rasa diri sendiri annoying ke lepas tu down lepas tu rasa ok esok nak diam, tak nak ckp dah pdhl org lain ilek je kita yg emo sorang2 tiba2. lepas tu ada rasa, should i be my self or not being my self because i suddenly think im annoying, am i? then am i gonna be someone who im not and end up regretting with the decision? 

ish!

ya Allah, sesungguhnya hanya Kaulah yg boleh membolak-balikkan hatiku maka berikan lah aku ketenangan hati dan jiwa ya Allah.. berikan lah aku keyakinan diri untuk menjadi diriku sendiri kecuali jika ada perbuatan ku yg membuatkan kau tidak redho padaku ya Allah. kau bersihkan lah hati ku dari sifat dengki, tamak, ujub, riak dan kau ikhlaskan lah hatiku dalam melakukan sesuatu perkara dan kau buangkan lah sifat2 mazmumah yg ada dalam diri ini, malah Kau masukkanlah sifat2 mahmudah dalam diri ku dan bantulah aku membina peribadi diri yg mulia, sesungguhnya hanya kepadaMu aku berserah..

one of my life journey, lets see where will it leads me huh ;)

yah kerja apa skrg?

oh, jd Finance Executive

aicehhh

dah berapa lama kerja?

4 hari.. hehe

   Wah, finance executive. nama jwtn mcm gempak en. haha. peluang nak dpt kan kerja ni pon for me lah utk org yg spm pon tak lepas lagi, rasanya mcm susah je nak dpt. sbb tu lah keputusan nak kerja ni pon smpai berpeluh2, air mata mengalir semua ada sebab bercanggah dgn plan tak mo kerja lagi utk bulan 3 ni, ingtkan bulan 3 nak rehat sat, siapkan lesen, nak masuk kelas tafsir AlQuran, and the most important thing is to spend time with family esp kakyongedik and afiq azfar yg skrg bersekolah di Pahang. Pahang wei, bukannya dekat tu. tapi sbb kerja ni sndiri yg sbtu ahad cuti, public hols cuti, kerja 9-5 je, so rasanya ada lah kan time lebih2 nak buat benda lain juga. solat istikaroh dah, doa pon dah. jd mungkin ini lah kot yg terbaik, insyaAllah..



as for now, im like-ing my job bcs first, i know a lot of new things and ''new things" yg i never expect to know or even kisah about it before, which is, loan, or, overlapping, or bak kata akak the right word is- refinancing ke hapabenda tah who cares? org tahu over lap so be itt. tak perlu pening2 palo dak? and secondly, its quite challenging as i have to find customers and try my best to convinve them on having service from us. which actually, im a lil bit not happy with this lah bcs sometimes boleh je kita nak try persuade dia buat overlap dgn kita, nak convince dia mcm2 so that dia buat loan tu dgn kita tp mslhnya, kesian kot.. kdg2 kita nmpk au stgh2 kes yg kalau dia buat dgn kita mcm lagi tak berbaloi sgt but mostly berbaloi lah cuma dlm jangka masa yg pendek mmg dia rugi lah tp dlm jangka masa yg pjg insyaAllah dia untung besar. tapi tulah, nak tunggu payment siap dlm berapa tahun yg dia pinjam tu misal kata dia amek 20 tahun, takkan 20 tahun kot dia nak merana gaji drpd 1500 tggal 200? anak bini nak makan apa? so kalau kes cmtu che biar lepas je lahh kan? biar Yg Maha Kuasa satisfied, bukan bos, betui dak?



TAPII

masalah dan kegeraman skrg ni ialah bila diri sendiri tak paham lagi kat mana dia potong interest tu? arghh

yea, i like this job but i dont love it. it is good for my knowledge and skills, and make me expose to the world and people's ragam. but for my soul, naah.

lets turn it to be one good working experience, see one part of the world, see it differently, not just the money.

*baru perasan, tak tulis pon pasal kerja masa kat ADNI dulu pdhal the kids are so wonderful. ahh so bad so bad. next time i will. i will! insyaAllah

koperasi kowamas here i come. eh bukan dah balik dah pon ke?

oh semalam.. hari yang penuh dengan kerisauan, pilihan yang membelenggu jiwa. namun itulah kehidupan. bak kata abah, 

in order to achieve the goal, you have to forgo something

tiba2, kedengaran lagu berkumandang di radio Sinar FM..

(okay tipu je i tak dgr sinar fm. kecuali masa tumpang abah nak pergi sekolah dulu)

walau kitaaa di hadapkan, dengan plbaagai pilihaaan, mengapaa sering terjadii pilihan taaak menepati! hinggaaaa amat menakutkan. menghadapii masa depan, seolah.telah terhapus, sebuah kehiduupan yang kuduuusssss

tapi bak kata Farah, or actually, apa yg Farah fikir
kita dah doa, dah minta kpd Yang Maha Mengetahui supaya tunjukkan kita jalan yang terbaik.

" Ya Allah, jika pekerjaan ini adalah pilihan yg terbaik utk diriku, maka kau permudahkan lah urusan kerjaku dan bantu lah aku bekerja dgn bersunggguh2. namun jika sebaliknya, maka Kau berikan lah aku petunjuk serta bimbinglah aku ke jalan yang lebih baik utk ku, di dunia & akhirat.. "

oleh itu kawan2, bila kita dah doa, kita berserah pada Allah.

bila kita dah buat keputusan, we HAVE TO move on with it, bukan must, but -have to- buat sehabis baik, dan ikhlaskan dirimu. insyaAllah Allah akan bantu kita, tapi kita pon kena lah minta Allah bantu kita. caranya?

DOA :)

sekian, wasalam